So, I am running out of time here at Cape Verde. I am feeling a bit like I should have made more works but then when I think more about it I've definitely come further with my art.
Here is a list to justify the travels (I feel like getting it out. Stop it) :
-I have made 4 drawings that I actually like.
-I have gotten of that medication that I was taking. Last thing that daily reminded me of the tumor is now gone! I wanted to be a place with sun and heat while coming off them, and I can definitely feel that I am in a more 'sketchy' place than before feelings-wise but I can handle it. I don’t know if I could come off them if I was in Amsterdam and stressed so I am really grateful for this opportunity.
-I've missed Sofia terribly
I have a lot of video from here of me talking to the desert. I just don't feel it makes the cut. There's a long way from the initial thought to the final product and it embarrassingly bad I must say. I’ve decided to make a speech in Danish, but I want to rent a quad bike and drive really far out in the desert and film there. I don’t know if video is my medium. I get so incredibly shy each time I put the camera on a tripod and turn the lens at myself. I feel self-indulgent and there’s way too much of that kind of art around. I despise it.
I am in a better shape than I have ever been, I can’t really feel any difference in my ability to sleep or in my mood but it looks great.
I have started kite surfing again. It was the secret idea behind the travels in the first place, but the art has grown on me while being here.
I am no where near the stage of progress I was when I got paralyzed but I’ve kited maybe every second day and I can feel progress each time although it is so stressful making mistakes I know I would never have made before the hemorrhage.
Today I took a shot at some back rolls and (I think) I landed one. I am just not confident in my kiting anymore.
Also my gear is falling apart – so far I’ve had 6 repairs where one was a major stitching – the canvas of my 10m kite just ripped in half. I need to buy some new (old) gear. Maybe the 2010 models, they really look like they act way faster than my kites. Also they’re single pump which is really an advantage
I have put serious consideration into what it means being an artist. I’ll probably make an update about that later on. I am especially interested in what settling means. I want to live somewhere warm, at least in the winters. It is only about 2 years left at my education in Amsterdam and I really want to think ahead now. I definitely do not want to live at Cape Verde I have found out. I just feel like there is way too many artists around and to actually break loose and get success (as in making money/ getting a name) you either need to be an insanely persistent person or sell out. I’ve read everything I could come near on Damien Hirst – I am not too interested in his art but his ways of creating contacts and his persona is incredibly interesting.
I think I can talk better about my own works now. I’ve kinda had a block, which is not really my style. I wanted to stop bull shitting and actually say things that I believe in. It is too early to tell if it actually means anything what I say and that is what I hate about the world of contemporary art. You put up this guard of fancy words around your works and after you’ve read / finished listening you don’t know what is up and what is down.
I’ve taken 8 lectures by Mr. Rick Roderick called ‘the Self under Siege’ Basically it is about how the modern world attacks your person, your self. He bases his opinions in all the big philosophers of the 20th century and he does a really good job. It is a shame that he is dead. They can all be downloaded from here
Lastly I’ve decided to give it full power with my art when I come back. I want to be consequent about my choices – and I want to PAINT. This year I have been experimenting a lot – as you do – but I am not feeling at home making sculptures or videos. I want to write texts and I want to paint. I am talking a lot about what I want to do instead of what I’ve done, but I don’t feel that looking back makes for any progress. I feel that writing it down in a ‘public forum’ makes the thoughts more ‘real’ (in lack of a better term).
4 ½ days left before reality kicks in